girl crushes

A story today in the NYT prompted this post. More on my thoughts on the story later.

It happens. As a straight woman in her mid-20s I have certainly had what some call a girl crush on other women I meet. And although I sounds like a sexual thing, or a romantic love thing, it's just the excitement of meeting a new woman who is cool, funny, smart, and sometimes kind of hot.

The first time I heard the term, I was standing in the bathroom line in a bar in my hometown a couple years ago. I had met this girl who was the girlfriend of a high school friend. I remember she seemed very nice and was wearing really cute, black, pointy shoes. We chatted a little, drunkenly complemented each other on our clothes and shoes, and she said she had girl crush on me. It was super flattering and not creepy at all. I took it to mean she thought I was cute and funny and a good potential friend (although I can't say I have seen her since).

Since then I have recognized a few times when I will meet a woman, get to know her a little, and become - to use a word in the NYT article - smitten. Not in an obsessive way, or as I said before, a sexual way. It's just that there is a connection, and I really enjoy spending time with her. And as I have gotten older, those connections are a little more frequent - though most women then turn catty or competitive or a little nuts, but that's a post for another day - and stronger.

I think the article is a little misleading. The writer ledes with a scene in a bar with one woman attracted to a dark-haired dancing beauty. Right there, it makes the crush thing sound sexual. And it's not about being physically attracted - in fact, it's more like the crush develops after a certain amount of dishing or witty banter. And I can't say I have ever had such a crush that I got nervous or stammered or sweated in her presence. That makes the whole phenomenon seem silly and childish when indeed it's quite fulfilling and exciting.