"Divers are special people"

We are now certified open water divers, which I suppose is kind of surprising considering that less than a week ago, I had never considered diving before and even when we got here, I was sure it didn't interest me at all. Now, we are pretty much hooked.

I must admit, though, I don't think I am a natural at it. I was the one in the small class of four that was slowest to pick it up. For the few few dives, I found myself close to panic attacks, struggling to feel comfortable breathing and not feeling like my head was going to explode. Really, I had a hard time getting over the idea that we were breathing air underwater (even though I was strapped with a heavy ass air tank). It all feels a little counter-intuitive. Also, it felt much like learning to drive a stick shift - as you descend you have to remember to breath deep, exhaling fully to allow yourself to sink, equalize the air in your nose and ears constantly so you don't blow your ear drums, go slow and relax and don't forget to use all the appropriate hand signals.

The first day or so of diving was mainly a bunch of underwater skills, the worst being the one where you drop to the bottom and then have to take off your mask then put it back on and clear the water out of it. I am not sure why, but that was one of the hardest for me. We also got to do fun stuff like hover over the sand - which the first few times more closely resembled flailing about - and taking out your respirator to use your buddy's, in case you run out of air.

Yesterday afternoon was our fourth dive, and the final dive of the course. We didn't have to bother with skills, so we just got to go down about 60 feet and swim along the coral and the fish. It was amazing. We saw turtles, crabs, vibrantly colored parrot fish and trumpet fish and entire schools of fish that seemed to be swimming with us. A couple folks even saw a massive eagle ray. And more than looking around and identifying sea life, the whole experience of slowing moving along with them underwater just feet from the intricate and delicate coral was just breathtaking.

But it kind of took me a while to relax, which for those that know me well, is probably not surprising. See, I tend to be a little high strung, perhaps a bit tense. Rather than just let go and enjoy the experience, I find myself preoccupied with worst-case scenarios or slight discomforts. It was hard for me to shake the concerns of making sure my airspaces are equalized or that my mask wasn't going to fill up with water or that my head wouldn't explode. I did get more comfortable with each dive, and I expect the fun dive we have planned for today will be fine.

A self-reflective note: With all my anxieties and inabilities to relax, this trip has been good for me. I might be a little slow on the uptake with new experiences, but there have been a few times in the past two months that I have really pushed my boundaries and been pleasantly surprised. For example, the first time we went horseback riding, every single muscle in my body was tense and all I could picture was me flying forward head first and smashing out all of my teeth. By the second and third ride, I was ready to move to the country and buy a horse. It was similar with diving. The first few times, I was convinced my head would explode or I would drown or have an underwater come-apart. The third and fourth dive were progressively more enjoyable, and I am excited about getting in the water today.

One more thing that's tough about diving: you can't really laugh underwater. You can't talk or giggle, and signaling for your buddy to see what you are seeing is tough (which is why we are incessantly chatting and smiling the second we get back in the boat, after saying "that was fucking amazing" a few times the second our heads are above water and our respirators out of our mouths).