the end of an era

Sitting on the sidewalk in front of my house this morning was the last edition of the start-up newspaper where I worked for two and a half years.

I never was among the chosen thousands in the area to receive home delivered copies of the paper, on account of not fitting their formula of living near a shopping center, making a certain amount of money and having a specified number of children. But I was so glad to get a "VIP" copy of the last issued, headlined "Goodbye, Baltimore."

The last several days of the paper were tough. Somehow we had to muster up the motivation to write stories for a paper we knew people had likely stopped reading and within days would cease to exist. I went from writing at least two stories a day to writing one every other day to fill the shrinking space. I can't say my best work ran in the final days, but we stuck it out and gave it a good send off.

I realized on Friday night while out drinking and eating soggy fries and wings with soon-to-be former coworkers, that these people gave a shit. They cared. Each one of them - at least the editorial side I knew - poured their hearts and souls into this newspaper. More than working long hours and accepting paltry pay, these people invested themselves deeply into this paper. They were committed to the words that ran under their bylines and dedicated to carving out a spot for this scrappy paper, elbowing in alongside the long-standing legacy giant in town.

We all believed in this experiment and were willing to try a new model when everything else around us in daily news was failing. And yes, perhaps it's hard to say we didn't also fail, that the concept of a free, home delivery paper with short, boldly written stories didn't also fall short. Perhaps if the economy had been different or if some management decisions had been different, perhaps we could have survived a few more years or longer. But we didn't. We tried something new to revive newspapers and nearly three years later, it folded.

I can't tell you I have much insight in the future of newspapers. I am not convinced there isn't money to be made in online only print. Why can't newspaper figure it out, though? Why can't they go all online? The reporters I know aren't afraid of that, and in fact embrace it, as do readers, so what's the hold up? I also think there is something to be said of making the news nonprofit, rather than beholden to wide profit margins and expectant shareholders. News gathering truly is a public service, and a nonprofit model would fit the purpose well.

But I'm not a businessman or a journalism teacher or a pundit. When I graduated from grad school four years ago I wanted to be a staff writer at a major newspaper, and I was. For the last nine months or so I covered health and the environment and thrived in the beat. A big part of me mourns the death of this newspaper and the demise of newspapers as we know them, and I also mourn what appears to be the death of my own run in the newspaper world. This is the second paper from which I have been laid off, and I am not sure I have the stomach to do it again or that there are even the opportunities out there to jump into it again. Instead I have been forced to shift my career trajectory and be fully open to what might be out there. I keep telling myself these skills are transferable, and I hope that is true.

Perhaps the medium, the audience and the subject will change, but I will always write.