being a grown-up is the pits

OK so I have just spent the past 20 minutes taking deep breaths and trying, oh trying, to keep it all into perspective.

You may recall in my last post I was without Internet, courtesy the not-so-bright folks at RCN, who programmed my modem for a service I did not order and then, as I found out this afternoon, signed me up for a service I did order without scheduling the technician to come. So I will spare you the boring and gorey details of being royally screwed by RCN, except to say I waited for someone to come today to hook up a phone, and they did not come. Now, I am more than 80 minutes over my cell phone limit (and being charged a lovely 40 cents per minute until Saturday), and without home phone (and with a host of interviews set up for the next couple of days).

I do realize all of this is petty and silly and probably not even worth the post on my blog. But I also have come to realize that this so-called life of luxury has some hidden fees I didn't bank on. For example, since I am working from home (the good news here is that I do have a few freelance assignments), I have tons of free quiet time to contemplate stupid matters and get worked up over situations in which I am powerless. Without worthy human distractions, the Internet and phone travails are suddenly a huge, insurmountable issue that will no doubt drain me of my last pennies, turn my hair grey and up my blood pressure. I just close my eyes and I see dollar signs whizzing past. Then I open them to look around my apartment, contemplating what I might be able to see for quick cash.

(Note: I am clearly my father's daughter here. The likely truth is more that I am not headed for the poor house just yet, it's just that I am too damn frugal and get way stressed about money.)

Now, I fully understand that I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. This is what I chose, at least for now, when I went with LEP. But I am finding I am having to worry about making ends meet, and I haven't really tailored my lifestyle accordingly.

Then at the height of my come-apart over damn RCN, I decided to walk outside, get some fresh air and put it into perspective. I am still eating. I still have a place to sleep at night. So my cell phone bill will be a solid $100 or so more this month, and I have a whopping day-long persistent headache courtesy telecommunications, but let's just reevaluate here. Worse things have happened. My needs and even most of my wants are all taken care of.

And most of all, I have not lost my home, my family or my life to a hurricane or massive flooding. I should be thanking my lucky stars that RCN has been my biggest problem in the past couple days.

I am struggling to hold on to that zen-like, carefree, roll-with-the-punches attitude that I gained from living abroad and seem to have lost in the mess of daily American life. And I guess I am adjusting to this lifestyle that lacks outside structure, regular paychecks and constant social diversions.